I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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