I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
