Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
