He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
