if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
