i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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