The maid of honor just puked.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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