not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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