I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
