We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
