You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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