Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
