Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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