I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
