you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
