i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
