using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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