dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
