um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
