The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
