ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
