God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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