is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
