Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
