eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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