Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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