Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
