Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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