finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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