Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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