Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
