well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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