Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
