mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
