Kiss
Puke
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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