You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
