And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
