I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
