your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
