i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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