is wine microwaveable?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
