i may or may not be watching the land before time
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
