During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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