Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
