peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
