Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do herpes really smell.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
