even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
