he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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