I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
