I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
