I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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