i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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