Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
