What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
