I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
