I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
